I am still hung up on Shona, I just can’t stop thinking about being with her, damn it was so sweet. I am bored at work today so my mind is wondering and I was thinking about stopping by and seeing her. It would make me feel so good. But I can’t I know I would right back into the situation and she doesn’t want that. She is smart she doesn’t want to be involved with a married man, but we both can’t help ourselves when we see each other. I just can’t do it. Can I?
I need some cheering up today. My marital situation is reallyt stressing me out. How do you end something this this? Thank god there are no kids involved, just dogs and a mortgage. I am really realizing that maybe I have been short changing myself. I can can count on one hand the number of times she has said she loves me for the last 6 years, and I am also realizing the physical affection from her part has never really been there. Why didn’t I notice that before. Once I stopped I noticed it wasn’t coming from her.
So the moral is, I am not ending my marriage to be with someone else. I am smart enough to know that. It’s just so hard to do. I think I know what I want to do now and it doesn’t involve being with someone, so that’s a good thing. Just getting there.
I guess I am just having a bad day. I only seem to blog when I am having a bad day because I gotta get it out.
How’d I get myself into this mess? Crazy Shit.
