1. I quit my office job of 15 years to drive a tow truck. I am back in the office again. Hate it.
2. Everything on my desk has to be at 90 degree angles
3. I am madly in love with actress Jennifer Connelly.
4. I bummed around the Philippines for a year.
5. When I was 17 I chugged a bottle of Southern Comfort.
6. One of my favorite meals is Kraft Dinner.
7. I can play O’Canada on the guitar.
8. I actually watch The Bachelor.
Well I have moved out. Hanging at a friends place until I can get my own place. Not sure what to do with mortgage and all that practical stuff. I’ll just have to keep on paying. Boy I am paying.
It was all very adult. My wife understood the need for a separation. I wasn’t really there and she is trying figure out what she wants too.
The other I believe is over. I haven’t talked to her and she hasn’t tried to talk to me. There were few red flags around that relationship, so I don’t feel too bad about it, but I really feel for her hard and it’s tough
You guys are going to kill me……So I was feeling a bit down and went out to friends on Sat. than out to a bar to drown my sorrows a bit. There was this girl there playing guitar and singing songs. She was looking at me all night. She came over and talked to me during her break and she wanted me to hang until she finished. Ended up at her place that night, but nothing happened but a bit of kissing. Kinda felt good no strings or emotions and got my mind of things. She’s a cool chick. Don’t know what this all means except to prove how messed-up I am and that I really don’t know what the hell I am doing!
All in all I feel good that I have done the right thing all-round and don’t have that weight on my chest anymore. I can breathe a bit. Now if I could just stop day dreaming about the other. I even changed the stations on my radio to listen to love songs. Scary!!!!!!!! What’s up with that?
Okay so I did go see her again. But she is smart and strong enough for the both of us. She can’t be involved with a married man no matter how she feels.
And my marriage is definatley over I know that, it just took me a while to see it. I have tried.
I have to take care of my marital situation before I can pursue the other. That is clear.
Wish me luck.
I am still hung up on Shona, I just can’t stop thinking about being with her, damn it was so sweet. I am bored at work today so my mind is wondering and I was thinking about stopping by and seeing her. It would make me feel so good. But I can’t I know I would right back into the situation and she doesn’t want that. She is smart she doesn’t want to be involved with a married man, but we both can’t help ourselves when we see each other. I just can’t do it. Can I?
I need some cheering up today. My marital situation is reallyt stressing me out. How do you end something this this? Thank god there are no kids involved, just dogs and a mortgage. I am really realizing that maybe I have been short changing myself. I can can count on one hand the number of times she has said she loves me for the last 6 years, and I am also realizing the physical affection from her part has never really been there. Why didn’t I notice that before. Once I stopped I noticed it wasn’t coming from her.
So the moral is, I am not ending my marriage to be with someone else. I am smart enough to know that. It’s just so hard to do. I think I know what I want to do now and it doesn’t involve being with someone, so that’s a good thing. Just getting there.
I guess I am just having a bad day. I only seem to blog when I am having a bad day because I gotta get it out.
How’d I get myself into this mess? Crazy Shit.
I finally had to take control of the situation and I did. I told the other girl taht I couldn’t do this anymore. She was hurt and got a bit angry in defence, I wasn’t ready for that. The only way I could continue to see her is if I was no longer in this situation. Separated or single. It’s not to her and much as it hurts me.
So I had to cut her loose until I get myself staightened out. I know this means I will probably lose her, she will move on. It’s killing me, I miss her so much. When ever we are together we just melt into each other.
The fact that I was married was really hard for her and I realized that I was the only one really keeping things going by initiating everything. She understandablly wasn’t opening up and telling me how she felt, she was holding back. This caused me too much pain. I couldn’t continue like this, I needed more communication, but I understand why she couldn’t.
So, I will not contact her or go see her anymore. …..As for my marriage, sleeping on the couch for the past month is not working nor is the fact that my wife just isn’t giving me the physical or emotional affection that I need and I realize she never really has. At this point I don’t want it, but it made me realize maybe how SHE felt all along.
Now I just have to get over the heartache and deal with my marital situation. Sounds like fun huh?
Oh well, back to the drawing board. sigh!!
I am not going to blog about this anymore. I am just going to work on getting over the other girl for now. I have to be strong enough to not see her or talk to her as much as I want to. I know eventually it will pass. I wish she didn’t send me pictures of us together. That sucks. I can stop myself from looking at them. I guess I like punishment.
